Wrestlemania The Funny
by Boldsign
Summary: An extreme night in Toronto to behold as we witness three wrestlers come out of retirement and an unforgiving cage bout that will leave us scratching our heads.


As the center of Toronto Ontario opens, the audience gazes upon the bright lights of fireworks erupting in the stadium. There's screams and "aah"s from it all with an amazing light show.

First match of the night is Brock Lesnar returns back from MMA to compete again in WWE. Why would he do that when he makes double in the octagon, because he wants someone to pay for what they did to him a long time ago. His motive has breached the point of where he wants to fight one person in the ring and wants it to be an MMA fight held here, a real MMA fight. He then declares that his desired opponent is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin was in the middle of watching the Dallas Cowboys when he heard the news way back as far as when Brock showed up on Smackdown. Brock Lesnar is only here for one match and then he's ready to go but Vince McMahon comes down to tell Lesnar that no match will happen, even if it's the scripted stuff. Lesnar stares at Vince for a minute, grabs him, and F-5s him onto the mat. That did not stop Lesnar's demands one bit. Great Khali appears out of nowhere and says he wants to fight Lesnar. Lesnar laughs, grabs Khali in five seconds, and F5s him too. Lesnar then grabs the microphone and says that there is no one who can beat him in this world no matter how hard they try.

Austin then emerges as Lesnar and Austin fight their way on the steel ramp and back to the ring. Lesnar sets some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu on Austin as Austin screams in agony of it. Austin has to get out before he's toast. Lesnar then hears the crowd chant "You lost once." Lesnar goes balistic and starts throwing chairs, tables, cameras, and Michael Cole all over the place. He's pissed. Austin then grabs a hold of Lesnar and gives in the stunner. One stunner does it as Austin beats Lesnar.

Vince McMahon is in the back having trouble walking after that attack as John Cena sees the old man and tells him that he better be ready to make a promise to retire because tonight, he's going to take care of business in the old fashioned "Hustle" way.

John Morrison then comes out to which some relization comes into the fans that this guy needs a better gimmick. Maybe he could be like "Mordecei" and be called "Alexander." He could be dressed in white, wear an 'X' on his clothing. Maybe he could be a man of God in a very sadistic way. Morrison transforms into Alexander as he drops his coat. The coat morphs into a tiger that Morrison sends to eat three people in the crowd. Morrison waits as his opponent is Goldberg.

Wait a minute, Goldberg? I thought with the dispute he caused, he's never gonna show up either. Morrison doesn't get a chance to do much until he whistles for the tiger to return and eat Goldberg for lunch. Goldberg grabs the cat and puts it out with a Jackhammer, it dies. Morrison then gets crushed like a can of soda when Goldberg spears him into outer space. Goldberg then walks through the crowd and Jackhammers 27,894 people in attendance before he leaves.

First we had Lesnar, then Goldberg, and now who waits in the back to be rediscovered in pro wrestling. We see a white boy dance around in the back as he turns around and reveals himself to be Shane McMahon. Shane is back to wrestle Rey Mysterio next.

Rey Mysterio hits the screen as he comes out, jumping up and down like a monkey. Mysterio comes in and gets serious until Shane comes out to wrestle and then Mysterio laughs his ass off at that one. There's a chant that surfaces through the surviving audience of "You can't wrestle." Shane goes bollistic at that tells a construction crew to bring out random stuff to bash Rey Mysterio. Shane throws a toilet at Rey, Rey just ducks as it lands and breaks Jerry Lawler's mouth off. Ouch, that's smarts. I guess he's going to be called Toilet Mouth after this evening. Mysterio then jumps around, easily avoiding the utensils of destruction and finally rediscovers the Bronco Buster. Gee, no one uses that move today. I wonder why. The Bronco Buster causes Shane to see Mysterio's genitalia which causes him to pass and loss the match.

After that farce comes CM Punk whose died his hair blue to prove to the world that he loves the smurfs and isn't here to promote anti-drug abuse. Punk will definitely have a job with D.A.R.E someday. He talks about how he loves all the little smurfs and says that he will save the smurfs from all the humans. Now he's really cucky. Shawn Michaels comes out for what is to be a great bout but it turns out to be a disaster. How, they do a square dance for twenty minutes. Then the match actually begins but Jeff Hardy comes out and drags Punk all the way to Stanford Connecticut as the crowd waits patiently for five hours as Hardy places Punk on the concrete and attempts to climbs up the WWE headquarters building and performs a Swanton Bomb, killing Hardy as he misses by an inch. Shawn Michaels then wakes up and runs five hours to Connecticut to bring Punk back to the ring as he just locks in the Sharpshooter and Punk refuses to tap but the bell rings anyway.

Next, we have Great Khali fight against The Undertaker for the World Title in a Hell In A Cell Match. With all these preparation for a match, Khali comes back and eats five people that are setting up the cage and then climbs on the cage to perform a hoe down. The cage then collapses completely. I guess there is not going to be Hell In The Cell after all. Undertaker then walks really slowly to attack Khali but he takes so damn long that the audience in attendance is leaving. There's only three people in attendance after that in a twenty hour period and Undertaker still hasn't grabbed Khali for move one. Finally after enough exaggeration of something so good, Big Show comes out and eats Undertaker and Khali, making him the fattest wrestler ever.

John Cena comes out to fight Big Show as Cena brings up the fact that he's beaten Big Show in every single match. Show wonders what then is there to do, then a lightbulb flashes in his head to have a Bikini Contest. To which Cena vomits his way to the back as Big Show wins by forfeit.

Jim Ross and what's left of Jerry Lawler wrap it up by saying they had a wonderful Wrestlemania and that the fans were really given their money for this one. The reviews however and they are not pretty as this Wresltlemania is the worst. W...O...R...S...T. Blah, blah, Vince goes broke. The End.


End file.
